My roommates and I were sitting in a local pizza joint after a movie when a random guy came in and walked up to me saying, "I just got some gummy pizza candy out of the vending machine outside. Would you like a slice?"
"Oh, no thanks," I say, "I'm trying to quit all varieties of gummy candy."
"Well that's too bad, 'cause I was going to ask you out, but I just couldn't bring myself to date anyone that doesn't eat gummy candy." He walked a few steps away to the soda fountain. Me, I'm sitting with my roommates still in shock over the strangeness of what just happened.
That's when gummy pizza boy pipes up again, "What I mean to say is you're out of my league."
And a moment later he continues,"Did I say that right? What I mean to say is that you are Charmin Ultra and I am generic brand."
Seriously, how is a girl supposed to respond to this sort of comment?
My special friend returned to the table one more time to clarify, "You're Angel Soft and I am the kind that hurts."
Thanks, Gummy Pizza Boy, for making me laugh until I cried. And while he didn't exactly sweep me off my feet, maybe, just maybe, he wiped me off of them.