Thursday, November 18, 2010

Penance for a Tarantula

I have a confession to make. It's about the tarantula from last month. I was having a conversation with the exterminator, who was an expert in all things spider, and he gave me some fascinating information about that tarantula. Information that left me feeling like one heck of an ignorant jerk.
It turns out that tarantula was just going about its normal fall migration, not coming out of a nest on the porch like I feared, and would have been gone the next day.
Also, he could have been up to 30 years old (the tarantula, not the exterminator). Wow.
With this new information, I've become perhaps a bit overly contrite with respect to spiders and insects around the farm. It's as though I think I can do enough penance to somehow bring that tarantula back to life. I know it's ridiculous.
I gently relocate spiders outside, right stinkbugs that are stuck on their backs. All the while, though, (and this is the weird thing) it's not the exterminator that I hear. It's Oprah. I hear her reciting those tarantula facts like she's narrating Life. (Who thought that was a good idea anyway?) And unlike the standard, neutral, British guy nature show narration, there's something about Oprah's voice that always triggers value judgments in my brain. I can't believe the male lion just sits around waiting for the female to bring him the food and then he has the gall to eat first!
So with Oprah doing the tarantula fact monologue in my brain, I fear I am on the mother of all guilt trips. I wonder when she'll go away? Soon, I hope. I am trying to think of people I'd like having in my head less...but I am having trouble coming up with anyone.

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