Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Janet rides shotgun

I'm on a bit of an adventure these days--taking a leap of faith and following what I believe to be God's leading to move my support-raising efforts to Dallas although I know very few people here.
Last week I packed my bag, set the course on the GPS on my new phone and journeyed out of the Panhandle.
I've never driven with a GPS system before, but figured that I should take advantage of the resources available to me with this new piece of technology. Now that it's 2011, I may as well jump into 2008, right? No one drives around with printed-out Mapquest directions anymore. And who would be caught dead with an actual folding map?! I mean, what am I driving these days anyway? A covered wagon?
Within minutes a voice started squawking from my console telling me to, "turn right in 1/4 mile. TURN RIGHT....recalculating....turn right in 1 mile....TURN RIGHT," Obviously the GPS girl didn't know about the cutoff highway and was going to send me 30 minutes out of my way just for the fun of it. After I ignored her for long enough, I think she just gave up on me. Pretty sure that when she said, "Signal lost," it was her GPS equivalent of, "I'm sorry, I'm washing my hair tonight."
She started speaking to me again when my route met up with hers. That's about the time I named that girl Janet. "You gotta have a little faith in me, Janet. I know where I'm going."
After 200 miles of driving on the same highway, it was finally time for the BIG interchange. It was dark, but thankfully Janet started her yapping while I was on the phone, so I heard neither Janet nor the person on the phone. I ended the call and saw flashing emergency vehicle lights right about where the exit should be. "Exit right in 1/4 mile...Exit right. EXIT RIGHT!"
I held the phone up to the window as we passed so Janet could see that the ramp was closed and would get off my back about the whole thing.
But that Janet gives up so easily! All of a sudden she had the route recalculated and decided we were going to take a much longer and more inconvenient way to our final destination when all we really had to do was find a good place to make a U-turn.
I make my U-turn, but that really made Janet mad. "In 1/4 mile make a U-turn....Make a U-turn, Make a U-turn, Make a U-tuuuurn!!" I'm pretty sure I heard her sigh with exasperation before saying, "In one mile, make a U-turn..."
At which point I yell back in my own exasperation, "Damn it, Janet! You've GOT to have some faith in me! I know what I'm doing here. Pipe down."
And as we approached the entrance ramp to the highway we were originally going to take, Janet quietly acknowledged that I was right. "Exit right onto 380 East..."
"I told you so."
Technology is great. Fighting with Janet, even though I'm talking to a piece of plastic, is far more satisfying at the end of the day than fighting with paper maps in the olden days. Because, let's face it, that was a losing battle for us girls from the get-go. At least with Janet I can fall back on the threat, "If you don't knock it off I'll drop you in a glass of water. I have unconditional insurance on you. Don't think I won't do it." This, of course, is the single woman's version of Dad's, "Don't you make me come back there!" while paddling at the kids in the back seat with his right hand and driving with the left.
But just like the kids, Janet knows I won't really do it. I want my text messages too badly.

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